Sunday, March 06, 2005

Performance, Breach, and Discharge
(Contract Law is Dirty)

A long time ago - based on percentage of life lived - I decided that life was pointless (twelve and angst-ridden, what a time to be alive). Which isn't to say good things can't be accomplished or that life can't be enjoyable, it just means that there is no reason for existence.

Whenever I tell people, they usually look at me with apprehension, ask me if I'm okay, blah, blah, shit-eating-blah. I guess it's one of those mindsets that is usually associated with rampant depression, but I don't see it that way; in fact I think it makes me a hell of lot more secure.

To me: just because you have no reason to be alive and that most of your life is trivial doesn’t mean it's a waste or that you should just end it all. People I meet that discuss the reason they think they're alive (e.g. god's plan, do good things, serve others) seem uncertain of themselves and insecure about what they’ve accomplished. Setting some lofty purpose for your life just seems like you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. That's not to say having dreams and goals is a bad thing, but by declaring that this grand purpose is your reason for being alive means that every time you fuck up, you fail not only what you were doing, but the greater scheme of things as well.

Let's look at the classic mid-life crisis: people look back on their lives feel as though they've accomplished nothing and become little bags of whinny woe. Aside form being annoying and not healthy for anyone, I believe it's always because they want to think that they have some purpose for being here and if they can’t meet that purpose they shouldn't exist. Whereas me: I don't think I have a grand reason for being here, so if I don’t become the next big to-do (although I wouldn't mind, year-and-a-half dry spell for anything below the waist and all), I'm not going to feel like my life has been a waste. Moreover: if there's no point in being here, then someone owes me big time and I getting as much shit as I can out of this.

So, it's not that you can’t do big things or do things for others, it's just that it won't enact some sweeping change most of the time. Really, if you're struggling for a cause or doing something just to be remembered, then you aren’t really doing it for anyone except your self and fuck you.



Blogger sex scenes at starbucks said...

I get amused by people in their twenties talking about a mid-life crisis. Mine (got it out of the way early) was about the loss of my youthful good looks and party mindset (all of which I recovered, by the way). I've done plenty and I'm gonna do more. No problems.

I agree with you on the whole, though. Our only really tangible purpose is to perpetuate our lame species. Stupid as it is, you've got to admit that the trying is pretty damn fun.

11:19 AM, March 07, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

You're damn right it is.


2:22 PM, March 07, 2005  
Anonymous Baldy B D J said...

Oh, and if i knew before hand that i only had x amount of time to go, then for the sake of my childrens future having to live in a world full of SCUM, i,d be taking some of them down with me.

9:29 AM, May 26, 2008  

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