Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Mittens Are for Chumps, Now Give Me My Fucking Pie

My friend, Kyle, has proposed one the greatest ideas ever, but first, some background:

Standing ovations have become pandemic to the point of triviality. In fact: I would go as far as to say a standing ovation has no meaning anymore. In theory it supposed to be a big nod of appreciation; getting out of your seat because you liked something is pretty huge. Yet in practice: it's become identical to, "Way 2 Go," sticker your fifth grade teacher would put on your homework to make you feel better about your grades.

So, in order to counteract the loss of the meaningful standing ovation, Kyle has purposed that people be limited to five standing ovations in your life. Not only does this force standing ovations to become less common, and therefore, more valuable, it means we won't have those stupid seas of clapping people after three people stood up; if you didn't think a performance was that awesome, you can stay seated and no one will begrudge you.

To make sure that the five limit is maintained, he purposes that either collars or neck implants be used. After number five: your head explodes.

Artists know for sure that people really believed their performance was extraordinary. If someone's head explodes, then you know someone loved your work so much, they were willing to die to show their appreciation. This is a good system.

Cake is the inferior dessert.

-Thomas

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hear Hear!

1:09 PM, March 01, 2005  
Blogger Lunatic said...

first of all Anon. we all decided it was "here, here!" over on Jack's blog and secondly- 5? That's all I get? Maybe 5 for each catagory, like 5 for presidential speeches, 5 for when you see hotties making out, 5 for every girl who decides to go bigger with her boob job. How'd that be?

5:05 PM, March 01, 2005  
Blogger Jack said...

Inferior to what?

6:26 PM, March 01, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

Noah gets excused.

You only get five, Lunatic, that's what makes them important. Besides bigger boobs are bad for everyone, especially the girl getting them done.

Cake is inferior to pie.

-Thomas

12:19 PM, March 03, 2005  
Blogger sex scenes at starbucks said...

What? Are you trying to start a fight over this whole cake/pie thing? I prefer both on my plate -a sugary three way, if you please, with ice cream on top!!

As far as the ovations go, good idea, but you college guys have waaaay too much time on your hands.

8:13 AM, March 04, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

If both are available I take both, but pie is still better.

-Thomas

4:17 PM, March 04, 2005  
Blogger Jack said...

Depends on the pie, depends on the cake. Since neither pie nor cake are the clear and obvious winner, I prefer to stay out of this.

6:45 PM, March 04, 2005  

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