Monday, May 16, 2005

I've Got A Stick. It May Be Sharp.

I feel as though I adjust to change to easily. As though I over-anticipate the actual change and then seem confused after it already happened. I'll often over-think things days, weeks in advance and then, when the shit actually rolls around, there's not climatic shift. Thre's a slight disorientation - like those first moments of falling over where you hover in the air trying to figure out how in the hell you got yourself into a situation where your face and/or behind is about to meet the ground in a most awkward fashion - and then the next thing I know I've got a set of habits, behaviors that adapt to the new deal. It happens when I get a new job, when someone leaves and I'm not likely to see them again, when I start dating someone new, when someone dies, just a quick hiccup and then there's no sensation of anything new. It reminds me most of smacking your television to get your signal and you end up changing the channel.

All of this gives me a lack of permanance. I always feel like I'm just whirling about, moving, gaining nothing of the static reliability I somehow anticipated life contained. It's a strange thing, given how much I overthink things and how often I'll dwell on the same topic over and over again.

And now I've gotten all pretentious. Sorry, kids, finals week got over for me yesterday (damn you to hell, Saturday Finals) and I have since been trying to decompress all of the stupidity that brings.

In other pointless news: I'm stepping down as morning drive time DJ for the radio station in my end of the world. Moving on to new things and more sleep.



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