Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Force in the Air

Cold temperatures, more sleep, an excellent couple of days, and a good bout of exercise has returned me to my state of mind.

Wind-chill is the Minnesota death power of doom. All those Norse stories about howling winds being ill omens and all that like aren't shitting; wind is awesome because it's moving air, but the devil due to its tendency to rip your soul out. I've lived here my whole life, so it's just another part of hellish Minnesota winters that we all love.

Minnesota's climate and general geography are so much like north-eastern Europe I don't think anyone is really surprised the bulk of the population is of Scandinavian descent. What does confuse me, though, is the death of some of the religious/cultural beliefs/myths.

Viking mythology describes hell as something in stark contrast to the one advocated by Christianity. Hell, in the traditional stories is described as a place of infinite dark and infinite cold. That is a hell that would scare me. Burning in a fiery lake of eternal torment? Yeah, that's pretty good, but the prospect of spending the rest of eternity cold and with no light seems a lot worse to me. Maybe it's me, but being tormented in a burning pool just doesn't compare to being tormented when you can't see and you’re too cold to do anything. At least a burning pit would let you see.

I guess I'm just perplexed as why the Christian missionaries wouldn't just adopt this version of hell. I mean, shit, with all those changes, you'd think someone would have figured to adopt an idea of hell that’s more terrifying. Come on, would the locals really have invented something that wasn't scary to them as their place of divine punishment?

Heaven and Hell aren't concepts I really get behind anyway, but if I'm going to hell I'd prefer the one with all the fire.

In closing: foosball is the greatest table-based game ever.



Blogger Jack said...

I hate it when people ask if I'd prefer to be cold or to be hot, because I always tell them hot and their wise-ass answer is always "In cold, you can put on as many layers as you want, whereas you can only take off so much in heat!". If you put on layers, you're no longer cold, you dumbass. The question assumes your temperature already; you're not allowed to change it. Extra layers makes you warm, thereby taking away the purpose of the question, dipshit.

I remember cold being heavily aquainted with evil in the Narnia books as well, and Dr. Faustus. I think a cold hell would suck way worse than a hot hell, because like Bart Simpson says, "Wouldn't you get used to it after a while, like in a hot tub?"

Oh, and did we forget about air hockey, Thomas?

3:06 PM, February 08, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

Fuck no, but air hockey requires power whereas foosball can be enjoyed even during blackouts.

Air hockey is a close contender, but foosball takes the cake because it combines the insane luck of air hockey with some form of strategy.


9:24 PM, February 08, 2005  
Blogger Jack said...

True, I always neglect to mention blackouts. Damn! I guess foosball is the overall winner. It's got little guys on it, and they hav to spin all the way around to kick the ball. For some reason that concept just appeals to me so much.

1:25 AM, February 09, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

Exactly, every shot is a Kung Fu death blow of doom.


1:44 PM, February 09, 2005  

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