Saturday, December 31, 2005

You Sure You Want to be With Me I’ve Nothing to Give?

I have deep seated love of depressing lyrics. I don't know why, but they always make me smile.

Let's highlight Cex's excellent "Kill Me" off the equally excellent Maryland Mansions. The chrous goes a little something like,
Things aren't getting any better.
Everything is only getting worse.
I'll apologize for the rest of my life for the rest of my life forever,
unless you
promise to kill me first.
I love that; it makes me grin ear to ear. My enjoyment of depressing stuff doesn't really bother me to much, but I can't help but wonder what it says about my own personal psychosis. Am I manic-depressive (maybe)? Am I going to kill myself (always an unlikely possibility)? Am I getting enjoyment out of someone else's misery and therefore a jackass extrodinaire (the last part is probably true anyway)?

All of those strike me as reasonable possibilities, but I think it's something more mundane and cliche: listening to other people being depressed makes us feel better about out own depression, be it minor or terrible. Maybe it's a sort of, "at least I'm not that bad," for a lot of people or, "somebody understands what I feel!"

I'm not sure where I fall in in all of that; to be honest I don't really know where I'm going with any of this. I suppose my final point is that I've gotten to a point with my deppression, where I can feel a sort of strength in it. It's hard to describe because I'm happy most of my life right now and so I don't really feel deppressed that often. To try to make some sense of that last paragraph: I think I look back on my periods of terrible deppression from a now-happy standing and I feel better about where I've come. Sort of a reassuring reminder that all that stuff happened and now I'm ahead of it.

Bah, I don't know what I'm saying anymore.



Blogger Jesse said...

That's why I heart heart heart Firewater!

When the little things are tearing you apart
They should have warned you this is how it starts
An answering machine that only speaks the truth
The inclination to climb up on the roof
The endless shrink parade
The nights that never cease

8:38 PM, January 02, 2006  

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