Earthquakes Don't Kill People, Buildings Do
I'm a fucking building and I might kill you. Sound of the police. Woo Woo Woo.
I'm sorry I forgot about Valentine's Day, blog-folk. You know how much you mean to me. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Well, I'll at least buy you that pair of shoes you were looking at yesterday. Maybe not for a couple weeks, but I'll totally buy them for you.
I've decided that my dream hobby (not job, just a side thing) would be to name the streets in new suburbs. I mean, look at those shits who are currently in charge, zero creativity.
Wilderness Run Court, Wilderness Run Drive, Wilderness Run Avenue, Wilderness Run Street, Wilderness Run Boulevard, Wilderness Run Place, come on. I guess those are better than Jamaica Court, Jamaica Avenue, well you know where I'm going from here, but nevertheless, weak sauce street namers, weak fucking sauce.
Now, if I was in charge of your new suburbs street names, well, you would have the best fucking address ever. Imagine yourself saying, "Why, yes! Yes, I do live at 1238 Corpse Choked Lane." Yeah, that's the fucking shit. Think of yourself telling your friends, "Hey, I just moved to a new place. Yeah, it's out in the middle of nowhere. Mmm hmm. Anyway, my new address is 9827 Hemophiliac Wound Avenue..." Envision your delight when you fill in that change of address form, "38517 Pit of Blood Drive." Talk about earning the respect of your post office!
Although, I can see one potential problem with having suburbs with such awesome street names: I would hate to make the choice between 77 Pestilence Scars Lane and 1704 Floating Carcass Path.
-Thomas
I'm sorry I forgot about Valentine's Day, blog-folk. You know how much you mean to me. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Well, I'll at least buy you that pair of shoes you were looking at yesterday. Maybe not for a couple weeks, but I'll totally buy them for you.
I've decided that my dream hobby (not job, just a side thing) would be to name the streets in new suburbs. I mean, look at those shits who are currently in charge, zero creativity.
Wilderness Run Court, Wilderness Run Drive, Wilderness Run Avenue, Wilderness Run Street, Wilderness Run Boulevard, Wilderness Run Place, come on. I guess those are better than Jamaica Court, Jamaica Avenue, well you know where I'm going from here, but nevertheless, weak sauce street namers, weak fucking sauce.
Now, if I was in charge of your new suburbs street names, well, you would have the best fucking address ever. Imagine yourself saying, "Why, yes! Yes, I do live at 1238 Corpse Choked Lane." Yeah, that's the fucking shit. Think of yourself telling your friends, "Hey, I just moved to a new place. Yeah, it's out in the middle of nowhere. Mmm hmm. Anyway, my new address is 9827 Hemophiliac Wound Avenue..." Envision your delight when you fill in that change of address form, "38517 Pit of Blood Drive." Talk about earning the respect of your post office!
Although, I can see one potential problem with having suburbs with such awesome street names: I would hate to make the choice between 77 Pestilence Scars Lane and 1704 Floating Carcass Path.
-Thomas
posted by T Kwong at 9:30 AM
5 Comments:
FLOATING CARCASS PATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
although floating carcass lane would be better...... but whatever.
See, it would be the best suburb EVER.
Vtducehb! Sugary venereal disease of doom, primarily affecting hobos.
-Thomas
I get lost all the time anyway, I don't know if this would help or hinder.
"I'm at Death Blow To The Cunt Avenue, and I can't seem to find Bludgeoned Neck Circle... God dammit, Mapquest was no help, it just scared me and made me feel a bit queasy."
Hucapngc! (I'm not sure, maybe it crawls around in the rainforest, screaming it's name Pokemon style and stealing the wallets of poachers. That'll show em!)
I think it would at least make it cooler. Sure, you'd still be lost and confused, but at least your story would have an edge of drama at all times.
"Then I turned right on Broken Souls Path, but that just emptied back out on to Devil's Haven Avenue. So, I had to go all the way back to Fountain of Scabs Court..."
-Thomas
In other news:
HAHAHAHA!
-Thomas
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