Some People Cut It and Some People Scratch

I was in the bathroom the other day and came to an odd predicament. I'm aware this is not the best way to start out, but if you've read this before you know I tend to talk about my adventures in the bathroom (that would probably have made a batter name for the whole blog in a lot of ways) and if you're back for more, then you have no one to blame, but yourself. So, I go into the bathroom because I have to poop up a storm. I had eaten four burritos in the past two days so I was ready to go in every sense of the phrase. I open the door and go to the stall closest to me. No dice, there is toilet paper hanging on the seat. Not the actual black plastic itself, but front and center, top part of the "U" where the plastic decides to take a break and it's pure porcelain. The next stall's door is locked shut, but doing a quick foot check reveals that some hooligan has decided to be clever. Since this probably involved standing on the commode, I make a mental note to never use that stall again. I'm left with one option: the handicapped stall.

I usually don't like to use the handicapped stall. It has nothing to do with some moral sense that I may impeding some guy in a chair's ability to get his shit on, I just don't like the feel of them. I like to have my feet planted when I poop, and the handicapped toilets are just a little to tall for this purpose, but I'm out of options at this point. I sit down, do my business and reach for some toilet paper. At his moment I realize that, unlike most stalls, this one has toilet paper dispensers on both sides of the stall. Aside from being officially crazy talk, I started to wonder about how somebody chooses. They were the same distance apart, so there wasn't an advantage to going to one or the other, but I went for the one to my right. Is this because I saw it first or do I have an innate tendency to check my right first? I'm not really sure. I'd like to see some data on which way people turn to wipe their butts. I demand this research be undertaken.

-Thomas