Monday, October 24, 2005

Shoogar

Oooh, fancy title.

Today, I didn't get to eat breakfast or lunch. Let's just say that my clock was not re-set properly and I almost missed a group presentation. Anyway, to compensate I went to the vending machine and bought some cookies. They were named Duplex cookies, which I thought was a fairly insipid name for sandwich cookies. Yet as I started to eat them and read the nutritional values I was blown away by the deal I had just scored. Yes, ladies and gentleman, a deal in the vending machine.

Seven hundred Calories, twenty-five grams of fat, five grams of saturated fat, zero miligrams of cholesterol (uh-huh feel the health benefits) five hundred and twenty-five miligrams of sodium, zero grams of sodium, fifty grams of sugar, ten grams of protein, a whopping forty percent of your daily iron, a total of fifteen cookies, and all the flavor goodness you've come to expect from generic cookies that have a white cream filling, vanilla cookie on side, and a chocolate cookie on the other. Yeah, suck on that puny two hundred and thirty calorie M and M's!

The one thing that brought any doubt into the choice was the tag-line.

Baked in Goodness"

Jigga-what? "Baked in goodness," what the fuck does that mean? You ground up some fucking kittens and babies and puppies and rainbows and sunshine and Jesus and angels and America and freedom and Bald Eagles and lolipops and gum drops and stewed your cookies in their ground up dust? That's sick, Duplex cookies, that's fucking sick. Seriously, I'm just unsettled by the phrase, "baked in [noun/adjective]," no real reason, it's just weird.

I got nothing.

Also

-Thomas

3 Comments:

Blogger Jack said...

Duplex cookies are the mad shit, I've been eating them all my life. They are God's little way of saying: "I exist, in the form of a cookie. If you eat me you are going to hell, but man it is so worth it."

And, on the topic of your Also, I think that is frickin' hilarious. It's about time all these tweenie-bopping blonde girl bands admit they're Nazis. Heil, yo!

4:44 PM, October 24, 2005  
Blogger T Kwong said...

"Heil, yo."

Mother-fucking brilliant.

-Thomas

5:17 PM, October 24, 2005  
Blogger marie said...

I FOUND YOU.

5:33 PM, October 26, 2005  

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