Saturday, February 25, 2006

I Thought I Was Dead to You, But Now You've Got Me Turning in My Grave

"I thought it was slit to the throat, but is was just a close shave."

I love Doomtree, so fucking much.

It's quite odd, but the happier I am, the less death concerns me. It seems sort of silly to say, but I just don't fear dying as much. That's not to say I want to kill myself or have gone crazy reckless (well, no more than usual), rather I'm more comfortable with the knowledge that I could die today, tommorow, or in the next three seconds. I guess I view it this way: when I'm depressed I feel like I've wated my life, which irritates me to no end. As opposed to when I'm happy, life seems to be excellent, without significant problems and, therefore, I can die knowing full well that I have gotten something good from a universe that has no reason to exist.

Woo-hoo! Nhilism!


Monday, February 20, 2006

Man, Jews are Fucked

Kosher rules have always confused me.

I am beggining to hate Patti Smith sooo much. Yes, you did a great cover of "Gloria" and, yes, you made some nice records, but you're still a pretenious art fuck who happened to know a lot of people. John Cale was sort of between projects, remember? I guess I'm just tired of everyone bowing down and eating Patti Smith out for one record.


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Earthquakes Don't Kill People, Buildings Do

I'm a fucking building and I might kill you. Sound of the police. Woo Woo Woo.

I'm sorry I forgot about Valentine's Day, blog-folk. You know how much you mean to me. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Well, I'll at least buy you that pair of shoes you were looking at yesterday. Maybe not for a couple weeks, but I'll totally buy them for you.

I've decided that my dream hobby (not job, just a side thing) would be to name the streets in new suburbs. I mean, look at those shits who are currently in charge, zero creativity.

Wilderness Run Court, Wilderness Run Drive, Wilderness Run Avenue, Wilderness Run Street, Wilderness Run Boulevard, Wilderness Run Place, come on. I guess those are better than Jamaica Court, Jamaica Avenue, well you know where I'm going from here, but nevertheless, weak sauce street namers, weak fucking sauce.

Now, if I was in charge of your new suburbs street names, well, you would have the best fucking address ever. Imagine yourself saying, "Why, yes! Yes, I do live at 1238 Corpse Choked Lane." Yeah, that's the fucking shit. Think of yourself telling your friends, "Hey, I just moved to a new place. Yeah, it's out in the middle of nowhere. Mmm hmm. Anyway, my new address is 9827 Hemophiliac Wound Avenue..." Envision your delight when you fill in that change of address form, "38517 Pit of Blood Drive." Talk about earning the respect of your post office!

Although, I can see one potential problem with having suburbs with such awesome street names: I would hate to make the choice between 77 Pestilence Scars Lane and 1704 Floating Carcass Path.


Saturday, February 11, 2006

Shiny Bright and Fancy Like a Fucking Monkey, a Shiny Robot Monkey

After receiving the same call three times today (same problem, same voice, same stupid responses when I tell them to do things) I have come to believe that there is a collective stupidity that drives these fools to become like one giant unthinking, technologically inept, pile of fetid societal waste.

On a similar note: I finally answered one of the burning questions of my life; namely, "why did I play sooo much evil music when I did the morning show?" Well, having woken up to some god awful poppy monstrosity, my reaction was to turn of the radio, turn on my CD player and blast power noise; all of this at 6:45 in the morning. Suddenly, it all made sense. It wasn't so much that I loved destroying people's souls at early morning hours (although that certainly was fun), nor was it that I simply loved evil music that much (well, I still do as my current shift demonstrates, but it isn't as big of a problem), none of that; it was simply a horribly violent reaction to music that I really hated very early in the morning.

I seemed to have developed this problem with doors as of this morning. I push/pull them to open before I've turned the knob and then run into them. I have a feeling this destroys my credibility as someone with the authority to hate the stupid. Then again, if you know me, that credibility has been long destroyed anyway.


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Beneath These Blood-Soaked Skies

One of my friends gave me a copy of a Johnny the Homicidal Maniac anthology. This comic is one of the best pieces of work I have seen in a while. Now, I only mention this because these comics are not just sort of violent, they're extremely violent, yet I still enjoy them. So, much like my love of movies by Miike, I'm left wondering if I'm a really terrible person or just a really good person who's comfortable with looking at violence I know is fake and see a relevance too it?


Saturday, February 04, 2006

I Ain't No Kevin Bacon

I have not been as bored as I currently am in the past four years of my life. I can literally feel my brain curdling. Maybe if I drill out my brain, I can fill my emptied skull with hard candy; I mean, who doesn't love hard candy? People that should be shot that's who.


Friday, February 03, 2006

Shitsuyou, Tsuyoi Dokonjo Daikon!

You can do it! Live, damn you! LIVE!

I hate waiting for people to call me back. I never want to start doing something because I know that I'll have to stop doing it if the person calls me back and I feel like crap the longer I'm just putzing around because I feel like I could have started and completed something in the time I'd been waiting. It's even worse when I'm waiting for someone to call my desk phone. Time stretches towards the infinate abyss of boredom and I can feel my mind slowly wheezing out its last bit of thought.

It's sort of funny that I have a job where a lot of my time is spent waiting for people to call me back.


P.S. Stupid blogger. My Moderate Comments thingy got turned on again after I turned it off after I realized it didn't work like I wanted it to..

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Katherine Harris is Still a Troll

A troll I tell you!
To: The Democratic Party of The United States of America
From: Kwong, Thomas

Re: State of the Union Response.

Dear Sirs or Madams:

Go fuck yourselves.

Warmest Regards.

Mr. Thomas Kwong.
Those god damn dipshits didn't respond to the NSA bullshit that god damned piece of baby vomit spewed all over my radio. Not one single fucking word. Way to go you stupid piles of grandparent piss. Yes, let's let the conservatives frame this as something that could have prevented the september eleventh attacks. Let's not argue that at all, nope, that would require us to think with something resembling a brain.

Here's a good idea you dipfucks, why don't you say, "sure, it could have, but why don't you need court approval then?" Oh, wait, I forgot, being smart is what lost us that election.

I reiterate what I said in 2004, the Demcratic Party must and soon will be replaced by a liberal opposition group that actually does something. We will one day look back at the Democrats with the same giggles that we hold for the whigs.

Father fucking piles of shit.